Tabula Candida

Doodles of a distracted historian

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Motivation

Posted on March 26, 2023 by tabulacandida

They’re good dogs, X’anch’ior the Inscrutable.

| Tagged adventurers, animals

Summoning

Posted on February 19, 2023 by tabulacandida

Always summon responsibly.

| Tagged adventurers

Dual-Wield

Posted on November 27, 2022 by tabulacandida

Curious, agile, and good at breaking things–rogues are just RPG cats.

| Tagged adventurers, animals, cats | 2 Comments

Tourist trap

Posted on September 18, 2021 by tabulacandida

Outside a dungeon a goblin sits near a sign saying “The Lair of the Trapmaster. Admission 5 gold”
Goblin: Hail, adventurers! Looking for a good dungeon delve? Try the Lair of the Trapmaster for the most devious challenges in the realm! Just 5 gold a head to get in!
Fighter: Well, we're in between adventures at the moment, I guess we could spare the time, but...
Goblin: Just think of all the treasure that could be hidden within! Who know what lies beyond those doors?
Wizard: I never heard of a dungeon with an entrance fee before.
Goblin: Look, I'm just the door goblin. You got questions, you can take them up with the Trapmaster after you defeat him.
Fighter (handing over a purse): Okay, what the heck.
Inside the dungeon, an empty room and the door slams shut after the party enters.
Fighter: Hey what is this?
Wizard: It's an empty room!
Fighter: Where are the-- Oh... Oh, that is devious.
The goblin delivers the purse to the Trapmaster.
Goblin: More gold, boss!
Trapmaster: I still can't believe they keep falling for it.
Goblin: Suits me! This is so much easier than climbing down into the spike pits to rifle the bodies for loose change! — Dungeon smarter, not harder.

| Tagged adventurers

Curses

Posted on August 22, 2021 by tabulacandida

A stage with a sign for “Doctor Everard's Amazing Traveling Cursed Item Show.”
Dr. Everard: Adventurers! Do you suffer from this problem?
Presenter B: Hey, that's a nice new sword you found in that treasure hoard! You should start using that!
Presenter A: I would, but I'm worried it's cursed. What can I do?
Dr. Everard: Well, worry no more! Come on down to Doctor Everard's Cursed Items! Every item we sell is guaranteed to be cursed, personally tested by our qualified hexperts!
Presenter A: How's that ring?
Presenter B: Not bad, it just keeps whispering at me that I should kill my family.
Presenter A: Gosh, is it actually compelling you to attack them?
Presenter B: No, it just makes holiday dinners a little awkward.
Dr. Everard: Yes, now you can be sure not only that your items are cursed but exactly how cursed they are! Take the anxiety out of treasure!
Audience: Boo! This is stupid! You suck!
Someone throws a tomato.
The tomato knocks over a torch and sets the curtains on fire. The whole stage burns down.
Dr. Everard and the presenters stand among the ruins.
Presenter A: You know, I'm starting to think this whole business idea is, uh...
Dr. Everard: *Sigh* Don't say it.

Yeah, Oglaf would have done it better.

| Tagged adventurers

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