Tabula Candida

Doodles of a distracted historian

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Curses

Posted on August 22, 2021 by tabulacandida
A stage with a sign for “Doctor Everard's Amazing Traveling Cursed Item Show.”
Dr. Everard: Adventurers! Do you suffer from this problem?
Presenter B: Hey, that's a nice new sword you found in that treasure hoard! You should start using that!
Presenter A: I would, but I'm worried it's cursed. What can I do?
Dr. Everard: Well, worry no more! Come on down to Doctor Everard's Cursed Items! Every item we sell is guaranteed to be cursed, personally tested by our qualified hexperts!
Presenter A: How's that ring?
Presenter B: Not bad, it just keeps whispering at me that I should kill my family.
Presenter A: Gosh, is it actually compelling you to attack them?
Presenter B: No, it just makes holiday dinners a little awkward.
Dr. Everard: Yes, now you can be sure not only that your items are cursed but exactly how cursed they are! Take the anxiety out of treasure!
Audience: Boo! This is stupid! You suck!
Someone throws a tomato. 
The tomato knocks over a torch and sets the curtains on fire. The whole stage burns down. 
Dr. Everard and the presenters stand among the ruins.
Presenter A: You know, I'm starting to think this whole business idea is, uh...
Dr. Everard: *Sigh* Don't say it.

Yeah, Oglaf would have done it better.

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