Tabula Candida

Doodles of a distracted historian

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Curses

Posted on August 22, 2021 by tabulacandida
A stage with a sign for “Doctor Everard's Amazing Traveling Cursed Item Show.” Dr. Everard: Adventurers! Do you suffer from this problem? Presenter B: Hey, that's a nice new sword you found in that treasure hoard! You should start using that! Presenter A: I would, but I'm worried it's cursed. What can I do? Dr. Everard: Well, worry no more! Come on down to Doctor Everard's Cursed Items! Every item we sell is guaranteed to be cursed, personally tested by our qualified hexperts! Presenter A: How's that ring? Presenter B: Not bad, it just keeps whispering at me that I should kill my family. Presenter A: Gosh, is it actually compelling you to attack them? Presenter B: No, it just makes holiday dinners a little awkward. Dr. Everard: Yes, now you can be sure not only that your items are cursed but exactly how cursed they are! Take the anxiety out of treasure! Audience: Boo! This is stupid! You suck! Someone throws a tomato. The tomato knocks over a torch and sets the curtains on fire. The whole stage burns down. Dr. Everard and the presenters stand among the ruins. Presenter A: You know, I'm starting to think this whole business idea is, uh... Dr. Everard: *Sigh* Don't say it.

Yeah, Oglaf would have done it better.

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